Enabling Mamas & Their Entitled little Men

Act Like Men Part 4 – 

WaterMark Community Church – Pastor Todd Wagner

Video Link:  http://www.watermark.org/media/enabling-mamas-and-their-entitled-little-men/2038/

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. (1 Cor. 16:13, 14 ESV)

  • The reality of life in this world is that we all have been disappointed or wounded in ways that challenge (not necessarily control) our ability to live strong, healthy and productive lives.
By 2013 female college grads will outnumber men getting degrees by three to two.  That means for every entry-level job, we’ll be outnumbered by women who are just as hungry to get their feet in the door.  Is this a crisis for men?  No, but it does mean we need to find a new way to measure our suitability for the opposite sex.  Traditional male roles aren’t shifting – they’ve shifted.  And if it’s not stability, a home, and the comfort of a warm paycheck that women want from us anymore, what do we have to offer?  – David Zinczenko, editor Men’s Health Magazine
The most urgent domestic challenge facing the United States at the close of the twentieth century is the recreation of Fatherhood as a vital social role for men.  – David Blankenshorn, Fatherless America


  • For men to understand what it means to act like men they have to face the realities that effect why they are the way they are including:
    • Society
    • Absent  or  abusive  dads
    • Enabling  or  overbearing moms.
The Problem

  • Forming an unhealthy emotional intimacy with mom (even when created unintentionally) can affect our healthy development as men.
  • The effects of an enabling or overbearing mom are subtle and disguised:
    • It is not a wound caused by abuse  or  neglect but disguised as care and over – attention.
    • It looks like love but feels like control.  It starts with an absent father.
    • It is inflicted by needy and hurting moms, many of them “married” single-moms.
When Mothers lead the family because the father fail to lead – either by absenting themselves from the home or by taking a passive role – boys are deprived of the most important natural model of manliness.  Growing up mainly under the supervision of women, many experience insecurity over their identity as men.  One tendency for boys growing up in such circumstances is to reel against women who are authorities over them and become socially disruptive – –  – irresponsible in family and work commitments, overy assertive about their manly prowess, especially in sexual areas, or leading lives characterized by violence and crime, alcoholism, and other addictions.
Another tendency for young men is to overly identify with the adult women who are authorities in their lives and learn to behave or react in ways that are more appropriate to women than to men.  To the extent that young males take either option, they do not learn the discipline, the responsibility, and the character involved in being a man. – Prentice Tipton,  “The Crisis in Black Manhood,”  Pastoral Renewal, March 1987

The Result

  • Feminization of men.
  • Indecisiveness in men.
  • Men who look to their wives to play the role that mom played.
The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can. – Margo Kaufman
I try to keep people who lie, break promises and need a 24 hour mom to a minimum. – Anonymous

  • Men become overly passive, apathetic, isolated, afraid, making decisions based on emotions OR they become overly dominant with regard to women and lazy, demanding or abusive with their leadership.
The Solution
  • Face the truth with confidence.  Don’t use your past as an excuse.
  • Instead, exercise faith.
  • Gain a clear understanding of what it means to be a man and remind yourself who men are ultimately accountable to.
  • Hint:  It ain’t Mama.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. (2 Corinthians 5:10, 11 ESV)
  •  Confess your history of settling for less than your were created for.
  • Be a man.  Leave your childhood behind.
  • Gently, lovingly but clearly break up  with  mom.
  • A confident man addresses the realities of his past and the responsibilities of the present.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO FACE THE WOUNDS OF OUR PAST AND CONFIDENCE TO BELIEVE WE CAN HEAL THEM.  IT TAKES NOTHING TO USE THEM AS EXCUSES.
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